


what a privilege it is to love

by Fireflaked



Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, I will add tags as I go, Minor Character Death, Ozai (Avatar) Being a Terrible Parent, azula is protective of zuko but in her own way you can fight me on this, in which ursa is a better mom and azula gets to be a kid for a bit
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-05
Updated: 2021-01-05
Packaged: 2021-03-16 04:07:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,283
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28575738
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fireflaked/pseuds/Fireflaked
Summary: Azulon demands that Ozai kills his daughter instead of his son. It changes everything.
Relationships: Azula & Zuko (Avatar)
Comments: 16
Kudos: 71





	what a privilege it is to love

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [the heat that drives the light (the fire it ignites)](https://archiveofourown.org/works/21836116) by [isamagicdragon](https://archiveofourown.org/users/isamagicdragon/pseuds/isamagicdragon), [thegracious](https://archiveofourown.org/users/thegracious/pseuds/thegracious). 



> This story was created entirely because of _the heat that drives the light (the fire it ignites). _Please go read that story, it's been living in my mind rent free for a year now.__
> 
> _  
> _The title of this fic is a lyric from Atlas: Two by Sleeping At Last__  
> 

Azula is a firebending prodigy. She is father’s favorite child. She is the smartest, the quickest, the deadliest compared to Zuko.

So why was he better than her with these dumb swords?

Growling with frustration, she swiped clumsily at her brother, already knowing that he would block it easily. 

Stupid Zuzu had a stupid smile on his stupid face as he parried her attack.

“You can’t just swing them however you want,” he laughed. “You need to imagine them as two halves of a single weapon.” Stepping back, he put his blades together so they became one. “Don't think of them as separate, 'cause they're not. They're just two different parts of the same whole.”

“You already told me that,” Azula snapped. This was impossible! She was supposed to be the best at everything!

And now Zuzu had that dumb look on his face, like he actually cared about how frustrating she found this. It doesn’t matter anyways! She shouldn’t be jealous of Zuzu just because he can wave his stupid swords around.

“I’ve been training with Master Piandao for a year now,” he said gently. “So if you keep practicing-”

“Why would I waste my time with this when it’s useless anyways?” She interrupted snidely. “Royalty doesn’t need to know peasant stuff.”

“It’s not peasant stuff! Master Piandao-”

“You should be concentrating on catching up with me instead of messing around!” Azula was shouting now, desperately trying to ignore the jealousy bubbling deep in her gut. “Father says that you’re the worst firebender he’s ever seen!”

Zuko’s face had turned red. “Shut up! You’re just jealous that I’m better than you at something for once!”

“You’re only good at peasant stuff! A real prince uses his bending!”

“Lu Ten uses dao swords,” Zuko countered. 

“He’s not a firebending failure like you! Father is right,” she sneered. “You really are pathetic.”

She didn’t feel much better, even after Zuzu ran away in tears. But he’s always been this sensitive, and it’s not like what she said wasn’t true. Zuko has only been bending for a year now. Not only was it extremely unusual for children to bend so late, it was shameful for a member of the royal family to not bend a single spark for 7 years. 

Mother said that Zuzu was just a late bloomer. 

Father said that he was pathetic. Weak. Worthless.

“You are strong,” he had said to her during one of her lessons. “Your brother will only hold you back. You do not need him.”

Azula knows that she doesn’t need her brother. She knows that he is too soft-hearted to be what Father wants. But that’s why Zuko needs her protection. Because Father will not tolerate weakness. 

And while her brother is definitely a hopeless idiot, he’s still _her _hopeless idiot.__

* * *

Zuko was training with Master Piandao again. Which is fine with her! Let him play with his dumb swords. She definitely has better things to do than to watch him. 

But she couldn’t think of anything, which is why she was wandering around the palace, looking for someone to bother. If she couldn’t think of something to do, then she was going to make it someone else’s problem. Mother and Father really should have thought about that before they decided to run off to Ember Island without her.

So she aimlessly wandered through the palace, definitely not thinking about what Zuko was doing at the moment. 

Then she found Lu Ten meditating in a courtyard. She rarely got to see her cousin, who was always studying or training with Uncle Iroh.

His face instantly lit up when he saw her. “Hey Zula,” he called, standing up and stretching his arms above his head. “What are you doing over here?”

Azula shrugged, trying to seem nonchalant as she approached him. “I was bored.”

Lu Ten just looked at her for a moment before asking, “Where’s Zuko?”

“Training with Master Piandao,” she answered tersely, looking down at her feet. He obviously would rather spend time with her stupid brother. People always like Zuzu more.

“So I get you all to myself then?” Surprised, she looked up to see that Lu Ten was grinning down at her. “I’ve heard you’re learning advanced katas now. Why don’t you show me what you’ve got?”

Training with Lu Ten was strange. He laughed a lot. Mostly at his own jokes, which she thinks are very stupid, even if she does laugh at some of them too. And he always asked for her opinions on things. He makes her feel important- not the way Father does, whose attention is entirely dependent on her performance. Lu Ten actually listens to her. He puts all of his attention on her and makes her feel like she is the most important person in the world.

“Look at this.” Lu Ten holds his cupped hands out, a flame sitting in the center. It was a normal orange color. But, after his face tensed with concentration, the flame turned a deep red.

“You can change the colors?” Azula gasped, staring raptly at it.

“Not just the colors,” he responded. A moment later, the flame was shaped like a heart. Why had she never thought of this before?

“Do a dragon!” She demanded excitedly.

Lu Ten concentrated again, and then there was a tiny dragon sitting in his palms. He made it wriggle around, and then fly once around her head.

Azula never wanted to learn how to do something more in her life. In fact, she was certain that if she didn’t learn how to make a flame dragon immediately then she would spontaneously combust.

Lu Ten seemed to understand the graveness of this situation, because a minute later he was explaining to her how to do it. 

And, with a little practice, she could make a very wobbly fire dragon. Lu Ten clapped as she made her fire dragon fly around the courtyard. 

She insisted that he show her how to change the colors next. She wanted her fire to be bright blue, the hottest of all the fires, to strike fear into her enemies.

“It’s not as simple as that,” Lu Ten explained. “It’s not too hard to change a small flame.” Holding his hands out again, he produced a blue flame. “You can consciously change smaller ones, but when you’re bending in a fight it takes too much energy to keep it up.”

With Lu Ten’s instructions, Azula managed to make her flame turn blue for a few seconds.

“Your emotions can change how you bend. Have you ever noticed how strong your flames are when you’re angry? Or how your flames are weaker when you’re embarrassed?” Lu Ten said. “It works the same way with the colors. Blue fire is the most precise, and the hardest to maintain. It uses up a lot of energy. But it also needs a certain mindset, one that I hope you’ll never experience.”

“What do you mean?” Azula asked.

“You need to be cold and cruel- detached from your emotions.”

“Father says that emotions are a weakness.”

“They can be.” Lu Ten meets her eyes, and for once his face is serious. “But they also make you stronger. The love you feel for others is not a weakness. It fuels you.”

* * *

Zuko and Mother love to sit beside the turtleduck pond. 

Azula would sometimes join them, whenever Mother brought out her Love Amongst the Dragons scrolls to read out loud. She loved to reenact the particularly gruesome fight scenes with Zuzu. 

But today they were just feeding the turtleducks.

It was boring. So she decided to make it more exciting.

“Hey Mom, want to see how I feed the turtleducks?” Grabbing an entire loaf of bread, Azula tossed it into the pond and directly onto one of the baby turtleducks. 

She didn’t expect the mama turtleduck to lunge out of the pond and bite her foot. 

“Azula!” Mother and Zuko cried out at the same time the mama turtleduck bit her, squawking loudly. She angrily tried to kick it off of her.

“Get off! Stupid bird!” She got one good kick in before Mother pulled it off her and placed it back in the pond.

Zuko looked furious. “Why’d you do that?” He demanded.

“I wasn’t trying to hit it,” Azula lied, glaring at the offending turtleduck. Mother gently took her foot in her hands and checked it over as Zuzu continued to admonish her.

“You could have hurt her!”

“I didn’t mean to! Stupid turtleduck, why did it do that?” Azula whined. Her foot actually didn’t hurt that bad, but it still stung that she was attacked by something so small and pathetic.

Mother pulled her close. “Azula, that’s what mothers do. If you mess with their babies, they’re going to bite you back.” And then she playfully bites behind her ear.

Azula couldn’t stop the giggle that bubbled out of her.

* * *

“What was that?”

Azula froze at these harsh words, glancing behind her. Father stood there, arms folded and his expression dark and furious. She thought she had done this kata perfectly, just as she always had.

But Father was in a dangerous mood today. Like a thunderstorm, she could feel the tension in the air- her hair standing on end and tasting the static on her tongue. Not even Azula was safe from his ire when he got like this. 

Turning slowly, she fought her instinct to make herself as small as possible as she met his eyes. 

“You did the whole kata wrong,” he snarled, stalking forward.

Azula held her breath as he stopped in front of her. She knows that she did the kata perfectly. But arguing with Father is a dangerous game, one that she knows better to play when he is this angry. 

“I did it just like you showed me,” she said, careful to keep the tremors she felt out of her voice. “Maybe if you showed me again-”

That was a mistake. 

She was shoved roughly onto the ground. Father towered over her, his face screwed up with anger. 

“You dare blame this on me, girl?” He growled. Azula couldn’t stop trembling even though she knew that made things worse, she shouldn’t show weakness, especially in front of him.

“I’m sorry! Father, please!” 

“I expect absolute obedience in my children!” Father was breathing hard; his fists clenched, as if he were holding himself back from punishing her further.

She hastily moved herself into a low kowtow. “I’m sorry Father, I will obey. I promise, please.”

“You’re cowering like your brother. You’re better than this, Azula.” Now his voice was softer. He pulled her back to her feet and brushed the dirt off of her clothes. “I’m doing this for your own good. You cannot show weakness.”

Father wants her to suppress her emotions, just like him. But Lu Ten had said that her emotions fuel her fire. 

But Azula wasn’t going to argue this time. She would just have to be better.

* * *

Zuko pressed himself against the wall before peering around the corner.

“See anything?” Azula whispered from behind him.

He scanned the hallway before shaking his head. “Nothing,” he whispered back.

“Then we should hurry.” Lu Ten joined them. “We need to get in and out before they come back.”

All three of them began to creep down the hallway. Zuko was bursting from excitement. After a fun afternoon of learning stealth movements from Lu Ten, they were now putting them to the test! They could not be seen- this entire mission hinged entirely on getting in and out without being caught. 

It was a mission that Zuko took very seriously. 

They reached the door. Azula was the first to poke her head through the door, before opening it wider and beckoning them inside. Zuko followed his sister and cousin, doing his best to keep his footsteps light and quick- ready to bolt at any moment. 

There it was. 

Sitting on the counter across the room were a tray of suncakes, freshly made for after supper. Ripe for the taking.

“Okay,” Lu Ten whispered. “Let’s only grab a few so they won’t be-”

Azula darted across the room and had a suncake in her mouth before he could finish his sentence. Zuko wasn’t far behind her, all thoughts in his brain gone now that he had the prize in his sights.

“-suspicious.” Lu Ten finished, sighing before joining them at the counter. Zuko had two in his mouth by the time their cousin reached them. Azula was already shoving a few of them into her pockets.

“I’d say this is a successful mission, wouldn’t you?” Lu Ten joked through a mouthful of pastry. Zuko could only nod through his own bulging mouth. They continued to gorge on the pastries.

At least until they heard the footsteps coming down the hallway. Freezing, their mouths full of pastry and their eyes wide, they listened as the footsteps came closer.

“I haven’t even started on the supper preparations,” the voice drifted down the hall. “Liu dropped all of the eggs while helping me with the dessert.”

“Of course he did,” came another voice. “He’s the clumsiest boy on this side of the caldera.”

Lu Ten tugged on Zuko’s arm. He had completely frozen, suncakes still clenched in his hands, when he turned to his cousin and saw Azula climbing the counter to reach the window. Stuffing his own pastries into his pocket, he followed them.

“We’ll have to hurry if we want to-”

Zuko was last through the window, barely managing to climb through before the kitchen door opened. He, Azula, and Lu Ten listened with bated breath as the head cook entered.

“What the fuck?”

“Oh Agni,” another voice moaned. “Looks like the ratcoons struck again. I told you they’ve been coming through the windows, but do you listen? No!”

They desperately tried to keep their giggles down as they ran away with their stolen goods.

* * *

“Do it again.”

Zuko ran through the kata once more, concentrating hard. They have been practicing all morning, but for some reason he couldn’t get these katas right. Azula had already finished her sets and was watching from the side of the courtyard.

Zuko almost got to the end of his kata before he tripped, falling hard onto the ground.

“Get up.” Father snapped, roughly grabbing his arm and pulling him back to his feet. “You’re not leaving this courtyard until you get the sets right.”

“But I’m tired,” Zuko protested. “And I almost got it the last time!”

“Almost isn’t good enough,” Father hissed, his bruising grip on Zuko’s arm tightening even more. “Your sister isn’t having any trouble with these. I only had to show her once. You will stay here until you get them right. Do not leave, or you will be punished.” And after cuffing him on the head, he stalked out of the courtyard.

Zuko stared down at his feet, feeling dejected and exhausted. He really was trying. 

He startled when Azula moved next to him. 

“You’re moving your feet wrong.” She was always this blunt with her criticism. Zuko watched as Azula smoothly went through the kata, brutal and efficient. Father had actually smiled when she perfected this move. Maybe after he perfected it too Father would be proud of him.

Zuko tried again. And again. But if he focused on his feet too much, he didn’t get the arm movements right. And if he concentrated only on his arms, he tripped on his feet.

“Dum dum, you’re thinking too hard.” Azula teased, rolling her eyes. “You’re not this clumsy with your swords.”

“That’s different!” Zuko snapped. 

“How?”

“Because…” he faltered. “Because it just is! You’re not helping!”

Azula watched him fume for a moment. “I’m just trying to help,” she said airily. “Father said you can’t leave until you get it right, and we were supposed to play later. That will take forever if I don’t help you.”

Zuko felt another flare of anger at her words. “I can do it on my own!” He shouted. “Just because you’re better than me at everything-”

“I’m not!” Azula shouted back. “And I am trying to help, dum dum!”

He paused, stunned. Had Azula just admitted what he thought she did?

Azula flushed and looked down. “You’re better at swords than me,” she admitted quietly. “I was just trying to say that maybe you could pretend you’re using your dao instead of bending.”

Zuko nodded slowly. “Okay, I’ll try it.”

As he prepared to do the kata again, Zuko tried to relax like Master Piandao taught him. He stood on the balls of his feet, ready to move lightly and quickly. He envisioned his swords in his hands- two halves of one. They were connected to him, an extension of his own arms. 

He took a deep breath. And then he moved.

He did the kata perfectly, without tripping this time. After a few more tries, he could do it just as gracefully as Azula.

When Father returned later, he didn’t get cuffed on the head. But he didn’t get anything else either.

* * *

“Zula,” Zuko whispered. 

She had fallen asleep again. He normally wouldn’t have minded, but she was leaning heavily on his shoulder and drooling all over his shirt. He nudged her again, trying to keep quiet. Mother was right next to him and he didn’t want to ruin the play for her. 

Not that it was any good. The Ember Island Players butchered Love Amongst the Dragons every year. If he had to sit through the bad casting and the mediocre effects, then so did his sister. 

“Azula,” he hissed again, this time poking her side. Stirring slightly, Azula lifted her head and looked around.

“It’s still not over?” She groaned, throwing her head back against her seat dramatically.

Mother shushed them, but she had a gentle smile on her face as she pulled Azula into her lap. “Almost over, love,” she murmured. Zuko leaned into her side as they resumed watching the actors fumble their way through another scene.

It really was an awful play. But Zuko wasn’t going to complain about a weekend away from their father. 

“I can’t look,” Zula groaned, draping an arm over her eyes. “My eyes are going to melt.”

“They got the last scene all wrong,” Zuko added. “It’s like they’re trying to ruin it!”

Mother shushes them again.

* * *

Lu Ten and Uncle Iroh left for Ba Sing Se just after Lu Ten’s eighteenth birthday. She definitely did not cry. After a fierce hug from her cousin, and some of the worst jokes she has ever heard, he got onto a ship with Uncle and sailed away. She was hugging both Mother and Zuzu as they watched the ship disappear on the horizon. Not because she needed it, of course. It was simply to comfort them.

After that, she only heard from her cousin once a month through letters. She kept every single one- not out of sentimental reasons! They were useful to prepare herself for military life. The fact that Lu Ten’s letters were full of ridiculous puns and complaints about the military rations is beside the point.

A year into their campaign, the Fire Nation broke through Ba Sing Se’s outer wall- a feat never accomplished before. Azula couldn’t feel prouder of her cousin, and of her country. She only wished that she was old enough to join them.

Uncle Iroh sent gifts to them in celebration. Zuzu got a knife from an Earth Kingdom, while Azula got a stupid doll. It wasn’t even wearing armor! 

Zuzu agreed that a doll was as stupid gift, and joined her in stomping it into the ground. She even set it on fire for good measure. 

Lu Ten sent a cheerful note and a few Earth Kingdom theater scrolls, which she was careful to keep out of sight from Father. He had more important things to do than read The Cave of Two Lovers with her and Zuko. But she did show Mother, who was delighted to read something new.

When she wrote back to Lu Ten, she requested more theater scrolls. For Mother and Zuzu, of course.

* * *

“Do you think that pigeon-bats have feelings?”

“Ty Lee, do you really think that now is the time for this?” Zuko said through clenched teeth. It was taking all of his concentration to keep his balance.

Not that Ty Lee was having any trouble. They were having a handstand competition- the one who holds it the longest wins. Ty Lee usually won these easily, but Zuko was getting better! 

“What do you think, Azula?” Ty Lee almost looked bored.

“I think,” came Azula’s voice from somewhere behind Zuko, “that this is stupid.”

“So you’re giving up?” Zuko teased, desperately trying not to think about the strain he was beginning to feel in his arms.

“I didn’t say that!”

“This is boring,” Mai moaned, lying flat on her back and spinning one of her knives in her hand. “If you want a real challenge I can throw my knives at you.”

“You could have joined us, silly!” Said Ty Lee, who was now walking in circles on her hands.

“I would rather do literally anything else.”

The competition lasted another five minutes before Azula fell first, Zuko not lasting much longer. 

“That was a waste of time,” Azula snarled, looking very red in the face. 

“You didn’t have to do it,” Zuko pointed out. 

“I was just doing it to make you too feel better!”

Ty Lee bounced in between them. “Then let's do something else!” She said cheerfully. 

“Ugh,” Mai groaned again, still lying prone on the ground. 

Zuko knew what would get his sister in a better mood. “We could play hide and explode.” She loved hide and explode.

“I suppose so,” his sister sighed, examining her nails. But Zuko didn’t miss the excitement in her eyes after his suggestion.

* * *

They were playing tag in the garden when they received the news. Lu Ten was dead. 

Azula couldn’t believe it. Her cousin, who taught her how to sneak into the kitchens without being seen. Her cousin, who always ruffled her hair and chased her and Zuko through the palace. She’ll never see him again.

Uncle ended the six hundred day siege.

Father said that Uncle is a disgrace, a shame to the royal family.

Mother wept, holding her and Zuzu close.

Azula could only feel numb fury. Uncle let those dirty peasants kill Lu Ten, and now he is letting them get away with it? A real general would have burned the entire city to the ground with them inside it. A real general would not have let her cousin die.

Zuko and mother continue to cry. But being weak will not bring Lu Ten back. Just like Uncle, they let their emotions get the better of them- but Azula will not allow herself to be weak like them. She cannot allow herself to be weak. Her uncle had always been soft, and now Lu Ten was dead because of it. She must be strong for her family. 

Lu Ten was right. Her love for her family will give her the fuel she needs to avenge him.

She vows to be the protection they needed.

* * *

Father requested an audience with Firelord Azulon a few days after Lu Ten’s death. Forced into their nicest clothes by Mother, Zuko and Azula knelt beside their parents before the Firelord.

Azula wasn’t sure what they were doing there, but Father was praising her and her skills to Grandfather and Azula was basking in the praise. Zuko sulked beside her. He was just grumpy because he hasn’t mastered the Mountain forms yet. 

After showing off her perfect Mountain form to Grandfather, he snapped, causing the wall of fire around the throne to rise.

“Prince Ozai, why are you wasting my time with this pomp? Just tell me what you want. Everyone else, go!”

Azula glanced behind her as Zuko and Mother headed for the door. What was Father up to? She wanted to find out. Moving quickly, she grabbed Zuko and pulled him behind the curtains next to the door. 

“What-” Zuko started, but she hushed him and pointed past the curtains towards Father, who was still kneeling in front of the throne.

“Just shut up and listen,” she hissed, keeping a tight grip on his arm to keep him next to her. Zuko made a face, but kept his mouth shut.

“-Iroh's bloodline has ended,” Father was saying. “After his son's death, my brother abandoned the siege at Ba Sing Se, and who knows when he will return home. But I am here, Father, and my children are alive.”

Azula’s heart clenched as she realized what Father was implying. With Lu Ten gone, and Uncle Iroh missing, Father was the best option for the heir to the throne. 

“Say what it is you want!”

“Father, revoke Iroh's birthright. I am your humble servant, here to serve you and our nation. Use me.”

Zuko tensed in her grip as Grandfather’s eyes widened with anger.

“You dare suggest I betray Iroh? My first born? Directly after the demise of his only beloved son? I think Iroh has suffered enough! But you ... your punishment has scarcely begun!” 

The room rose in temperature as Firelord Azulon stood up, the fire roaring around him.

“You must know the pain of losing a favored child. By sacrificing your own!”

There was an achingly long pause.

And Azula couldn’t move as she watched Father bow, she couldn’t breath, because _she _was his favored child. _She _was his favorite.____

____“As you wish, my Lord.”_ _ _ _

**Author's Note:**

> So I rewrote this four times before I actually liked it. Please leave a comment or yell at me on tumblr @fireflaked


End file.
